Sophie Hainsworth

This week I plan to read “Yes Man” by Danny Wallace www.dannywallace.com. and I do have to give him a plug here because I really liked the guys sense of humour when I saw him on TV for the first time this morning (not that he needs a plug I am sure).  OK so excuse me for being really behind, and sorry if most people have heard of him AND read the book, but remember that living on a small island (aka Bermuda) for the past two years is likely to have encouraged ignorance about many things going on on this larger island we call the British Isles ( do correct me if that’s not PC enough anymore). 

The point I want to make is that this idea of saying yes to everything sounds great.  I gather that saying yes to absolutely EVERYTHING may have caused some problems, and I will have to read the book to find out exactly what happened.  However I do think it’s a concept we can sensibly instill into our own lives, or we could commit to making sure we instill it into 80% of our lives.

I actually think that saying no is habit building.  Saying no to things actually breeds saying no to more things, and it’s infectious.  Someone calls us up and asks if we want to do something and we automatically say no because we are so used to it, then what happens is we say no so often that people even stop asking us if we want to do things.  So alot of starting to say yes to things is about breaking a habit, and it’s also about getting out of that comfort zone.  Doing something different to get different results.

Imagine the opportunities it could open up in your life if you got out of that comfort zone, broke the routine and said yes more.  I don’t care if you go swimming every Friday after work without fail, you could still say yes to that offer of happy hour in the bar next door, your life is not going to end just because you don’t get your lengths in. 

Or if someone asks you if you if you want to go to a concert on a school night!  Or if someone asks you to start up a blog with them.  You may end up trying loads of different things and you may discover you have a hidden talent you never knew about.  Alot of saying no to things can be about fear, but facing that fear will help you grow and realise that the doing is never as bad a the fearing.  So start by ignoring the excuses in your head, and saying yes to trying that camping weekend (OK bad example, how about that glass of wine on a Sunday night in town?).

This week, see if you can commit to saying yes 80% of the time and observe what happens in your life.

This link from the coaching commons resonated with me:

http://www.coachingcommons.org/inventing-the-future-of-coaching/what-do-you-have-energy-for/

I have been so busy juggling different streams in my life I had to stop and wonder whether I am focusing my energy on the things I want to achieve.  We all know that what we focus on grows, so if we decide to put the majority of our energy into a particular project for a certain amount of time, rather than jumping from one to another, we can really increase the quality of the outcome.

I once heard Cheryl Richardson talk about how we are all creative beings and that we are naturally inclined to want to jump from one task to another, but in some ways we only end up skimming the surface and not being as productive/creative as we want to be in any of our endeavours. 

Are you putting your energy where you want?  What is showing up in your life?  If you are getting the undesired results is this because some of your energy is focused where you don’t want it to be?

This is something to refelect on.  Thinking about it may also serve you and save you hours of procrastination, and that sure is something I can talk to you about!

This weekend I plan to take a day off for quiet time, and to clear my head. Things have been so busy recently with travelling and organising and general “life” things that I am due some serious me time.

It’s during these times that I switch off whilst in the bath and literally detox my thoughts.  It’s the same as cleaning my home, or sorting out my wardrobe, i’ll be going back to discovering which thoughts I want to hold onto, and which ones I want to say goodbye to.  The thoughts you think really do affect your life, so when you think of it this way it is vital to make sure we are not holding onto ways of thinking that are holding us back.

So a little bit of quiet time to reflect and ensure you are creating healthy attitudes will do wonders for mind/body and spirit.

So, this weekend you’ll find me in the bath totally relaxing and embracing my “Sophie” time.

Sophie

Even the most positive of us have days when we need something to give us a boost.  Especially if we have experienced a challenge or perceived setback.  Most of us know about certain techniques and self talk that will lift our spirits, but how often do we remember to utilise these in our own lives?

Here, I offer you a few mind/energy boosting tips that you can integrate into your day that will either boost you when you are feeling low, or increase your optimism even more on an already positive day.

• Be grateful - being grateful for what you have always puts things into perspective, it’s hard to be gloomy if we are in a state of gratitude, because we can always find things to be grateful for.  If you have been going through a serious stage of feeling sorry for yourself recently, make a commitment to write down 10 things every morning that you are grateful for in your life.  It could be anything from the car you have which enables you to get around independently, to the fact that you are living and breathing, or the fact that you can afford to eat every day.  Make sure your list is different every day, try this for one week and I guarantee you will feel better about your life.
• Compliment - telling someone in the office that they look great today, or that they make a fantastic cup of tea, sets the feelgood wheel in motion.  Compliments breed compliments, just like good energy breeds good energy, you will be doing your part to lift the spirits of those around you. Tip:  Try to genuinely compliment someone at least once a day.
• Acknowledge-  It’s really vital that we acknowledge ourselves for the things we achieve in life, it makes us feel more confident and willing to keep achieving our goals.  Whether this be a business that we are getting off the ground, a beauty or fitness schedule we are committed to keeping up, or just simply getting through tasks at work.
• Journal -  If there is something in particular frustrating you and generally putting you in a gloomy mood, write it down.  State what you are feeling and then keep writing until you feel you can’t write any more.  You might get to the bottom of what’s really causing the mood and I guarantee you will feel much lighter afterwards.
• Breath - it sounds like such a simple solution, but that’s what many of us forget to do when we are feeling stressed, and remembering to breathe really does make a difference to how we feel.  Put a post it note on your PC saying “breathe”, join a yoga or pilates class that encourages breathing. If you think about it it makes sense really, breathing is what keeps us alive, so remembering to breathe more deeply and more often literally brings life into our bodies and our minds.

There are many more techniques we can apply to our day to day lives to ensure we stay grounded and keep things in perspective.  Even if you just take up one of these, notice the difference these baby steps have on your life.  E mail me at coach@sophiehainsworth.com if you would like to discuss more.

People from all walks of life are now hiring coaches.  From celebrities to politicians, athletes to stay at home mum’s, not to mention successful CEO’s and other corporate execs.

The reasons why people hire life coaches are specific to each individual.  Some people want a change in direction, some people need help communicating with difficult personalities in the workplace, others need support whilst they lose weight and get fit.  Some people want to completely transform their life, whilst others simply want to make small changes.  All types understand the power of coaching to enable them to achieve the results they want. 

I have noticed another overriding motivation that lies behind the decision to hire a life coach, it’s simply having someone to talk to, in confidence.  When I decided to hire a coach, I knew I wanted to make a change in my life but I wanted to talk it through with someone impartial, someone who wasn’t a friend or a relative.  I wanted someone who I could talk to for one hour every week for support and encouragement and no judgements, my coach turned out to be all that, and more.  In this day and age I think people feel guilty wasting their friends time by talking about their own lives.  There is always the impression that everyone is too busy, too far away, or going through their own challenges to be bothered with listening to you.  This is where a coach plays a valuable role.

With many clients, when they make a commitment to coaching, it’s not always about getting to a certain place, reaching a certain goal, sometimes it’s about just having someone hear you whilst you talk things through.  Transformation is a whole up and down process, it can be very powerful having someone listen to you whilst you come to your own insights, and it’s part of a successful coaching partnership whereby people come to the right decisions for themselves.

When I read about Jennifer Aniston and her new flame John Mayer, this morning, I got thinking about how people choose their partners.  Stars are known for their impulse driven relationships, marriages that last a couple of years, sometimes just months and then fizzle out when the going gets tough.

The problem with many famous people, and even non-famous people today is that they want instant gratification, their relationships are based on purely instant attraction, the honeymoon phase, which is guaranteed not to last forever, and when this dies out, the couple often realise they have no common interests to keep them together.

I am not suggesting that one shouldn’t chase romance, or passion, as this is what makes us dance to the music of life.  But I do think we need to give some thought surrounding what characteristics we would like our long standing partner to have.

Simplify your life
 
The concept of “voluntary simplicity” or “downsizing” and “decluttering” is something we hear about all the time nowadays.  Numerous books and articles have been published around the idea of making our lives simpler.  Many of us look up from our paper cluttered desks, whilst we sip our morning coffees, attempt to reply to the twentieth e mail of the morning, and get that report out by lunchtime.  We are paying bills and running errands in our lunch break, and hoping that we will get out of work in time to make it to the gym and then home for an episode of CSI.  Then it dawns on us that we had promised to meet our friend over a glass of wine that evening to listen/support her through her latest relationship crisis. 
 
We are torn between obligations like these, and trying to maintain a balance with work, exercise and friends.  We often end up doing this to the point that we don’t get the time and space to think straight, slow down and enjoy life.
 
Many of us have great intentions of living a simpler life, but do we really ever take any action to make it happen?
 
According to the “simple living network”, voluntary simplicity is not about poverty or deprivation, but about living an examined life, one in which you have determined what is important, or enough for you, and discarding the rest.
 
Here are ten ways to start living more simply today:
 

1. Make a list of the things in your life that are most important to you.  Make a commitment to yourself    to make time for those, and ditch the other things you are spending your time doing.
2. Learn to say no to requests.  This is a vital step towards simplicity, if you cannot say no to people you will never take control over your life and your time.  You don’t need to go into reasons why you can’t do some thing you just need to say “No, that time doesn’t work for me, but I can do…….”
3. Reduce paper – think about keeping records online, and online banking, too much paper can lead to overwhelm and stress.
4. Limit communications – commit to just checking e mail once a day, limit TV watching, decide to read just one news source per day.
5. Clean as you go along – learn to clean a little every day rather than letting it pile up and having to spend a couple of hours doing it.  If you learn to clean this way you will be living in a constant clean space, mess won’t build up and you won’t feel as stressed.  And if you don’t have the time to do this, hire a cleaner, it’s a worthwhile investment.
6. It’s not just “things” that take up time and space in your life, it’s also people.  Make a commitment to yourself to only spend time with people who uplift you rather than drain your energy.
7. Plan your weekly meals – decide at the beginning of the week what you are going to eat and make a grocery list.  Plan easy, quick meals, this way you won’t have to worry every night about what you are going to eat when you get home.
8. Clean out your purse – take out all that heavy change that is weighing you down.
9. Plan ahead - Any change in lifestyle takes planning and habit building, so remember to think in advance.  Pack your lunch for work; pack your gym bag the night before.  Do laundry on just one night a week.
10. Sort out your wardrobe – When buying clothes think about colors that match, functional clothes that wash easily. You will still look good, it will be easier to find things to wear on a daily basis, and you will no longer have a wardrobe full of clothes that you can’t wear together.

Living more simply won’t happen over night, but small steps every day will go a long way to making the changes you want to see in your life.

I am wondering whether the 200 hours community service Naomi Campbell has been dealt for her recent outrage on a BA flight, will change her in any way.  I am thinking that she could do with the support of a really good life coach.  Naomi has a history of blowing up when things haven’t gone her way, and its this sense of entitlement that could be turned around by a professional coach asking her some powerful questions.

What Naomi needs to realise is that, people around us are mirrors for how we perceive ourselves. So, whatever it is about situations and people that winds Naomi up to the point of rage, will have a direct link to how she views herself.  She could do to sit down with someone and really start to work on herself.  Making sure she is happy with herself and liking her life more, will mean she is more likely to take things in her stride and not project her rage onto other people.

If I was coaching Naomi I would encourage her to write a list of all the things in her life she is tolerating, all the things that are frustrating her. I would urge her to deal with these one by one.

I would then work with her to write down a list of core values that are important to her in her life, that she could live by everyday. 

Then, I would encourage her to keep a gratitude list, to write down 10 things in her life she is grateful for every day.  So, instead of thinking that it’s a complete disaster that her luggage has disappeared and it’s the end of the world, she could re frame her perspective by thinking that at least she has enough money to go and buy another suitcase full of clothes.  She might also be able to see that what happened to her wasn’t life threatening, thus taking the drama out of the situation.

I would also teach her how to respond to a situation rather than react.  So that if someone does make a racial comment towards her, she is able to maintain her calm and view a negative comment as that persons issue, not hers.

All in all, I think coaching would help her build the strength of character she needs to refrain from reacting to situations, and maintaining a healthy perspective.

     “Such is the state of life, that none are happy but by the anticipation of change; the change itself is nothing; when we have made it, the next wish is to change again”

Samuel Johnson, english poet, critic and writer, 1709 -1784.

Quotes can be so thought provoking, especially when we look at how many years ago they were recorded.  This makes us realise that the struggles of the human condition go back years.  It is true that many of us are living not for today, but for the place we are trying to get to.  The paradox is that once we arrive there, we are often looking to change direction again.

It is such a privilege in life to have the opportunity to strive for what we want, to be able to create the life of our dreams, and to know no limits.  However, ambition and achievement can turn to pain and constant disappointment, when we decide we are never happy with where we are arriving at.  This is when we must take a step back and remember to enjoy the process of getting to where we want to be. 

It is often the journey that is the most enjoyable, not the destination.  It is the challenges that are thrown at us along the way that make our lives.  The growth experiences we have, and the people we meet who inspire us and change us, are what make us feel alive.  Deciding to achieve something brings us these experiences, and creates for us a rich tapestry that we otherwise would not have had.  But we must remember not to let our ultimate dream be the overriding factor in determining our happiness.  Because happiness is within us, right here and right now.

As I say on my website, if not now, then when, don’t wait until tomorrow to start feeling joyful, choose to feel joyful today no matter where you are or what you are doing.  And, if you are in a situation where you cannot possibly feel happy, get out of the situation and then choose to live life, right here right now.

Do you celebrate your mistakes?
 
“So go ahead and make mistakes.  Make all you can.  Because that’s where you will find success.  On the far side of failure”. Thomas J. Watson, Sr
 
Mistakes are a part of life, they are a sign of life lived to the fullest.  However many people are fearful of taking action and moving forward in their life because they fear it will be a mistake.  The paradox here is that you cannot avoid mistakes in life, and therefore focusing attention in attempt to avoid mistakes is, in fact, a false reality.
 
The most successful people in the world have failed over and over again until they achieved their dream, their determination to succeed means that they don’t give up. Thomas Edison reportedly tried over 1000 times to make the light bulb. When he was told this he simply replied “I never failed, I just discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb”.
 
People fail to lose weight, give up smoking because they tend to become disillusioned when they fail at the first hurdle.  They view their “mistake” as a sign that they will ultimately fail anyway and so they often “quit whilst they are ahead”.  A woman trying to lose weight gives in and has one cream cake and concludes that she has no willpower, resigns herself to the fact that she is overweight, and sets back on the road to her old eating patterns.
 
A woman who moves to another town for a job relocation realizes after a month that she loathes her job.  She feels as though she has made a terrible mistake, and now feels stuck and depressed and her confidence starts to drop.  Another way of looking at this situation could be by taking a more philosophical approach.  It could be that her relocation got her out of a certain situation at home, and she now has the opportunity to look for another, better position.  The situation will reveal her resilience and make her stronger in the long run.
 
Here are some pointers to help you reframe a perceived mistake:
 
§     Keep your eye on your vision, be clear about your end goal
§     Be creative and philosophical about your mistakes, how can you turn them around and see something positive in them?
§     Keep your ego out of the equation and be the observer
§     Look at all the variables.  Instead of thinking about how much of a failure you are, or how incompetent you are, take a logical approach and look at ALL the factors that contributed to your situation., and identify the factors you can change to get the desired results.
 
Successful people don’t get stuck over mistakes, they celebrate them by viewing them as a growth experience and a challenge, moving them even closer to their goal. 
Do you celebrate your mistakes?  That’s something for you to think about.